Husbands Say the Darndest Things

A few weeks ago, I decided I needed to do a blog post devoted only to the funny things Scoop says.

It didn't take me too long to get enough material for an entire post. And, because of that, I'm sure we'll be doing regular installments of this.

Scoop: "Sit down and watch Footloose with me!"
Me: "Ehhhh. I don't really feel like it."
Scoop: "You mean, I want to sit down and watch a lame-ass '80s movie and you don't? Go sit outside."

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Me: (While watching a '70s rock informercial - because I'm lame) "Why didn't we grow up in the '70s with all of this great music?"
Scoop: "Because, you would have ended up pregnant. Let's be honest - I'm easy."

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Scoop: "I need to bring another white shirt with me this weekend."
Me: "Why?"
Scoop: "In case we have to f*** someone up and I get blood on this one."

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Editor's note: I don't really know what was happening when this one popped out of his mouth. And, for the record, I don't believe this statement to be true...most of the time.

Scoop: "I'm so dumb I need a helmet."

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Scoop: (While eating at Outback Steakhouse) "Ugh. I'm running out of room."
Me: "Well, honey, don't keep eating if you're going to make yourself miserable. We can take it home with us."
Scoop: "No - I'll be damned if I let them win. It's personal now."

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Me: (While at a wedding) "You can't generalize it that way."
Scoop: "Hey - stop stealing my phrases. That's my phrase."
Me: "Since when is 'You can't generalize it that way' your phrase?"
Scoop: "I just said it eight minutes ago when we were talking about boobs. Remember?"

Editor's note: Sadly, we were talking about boobs at a wedding.

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Me: "Are you getting up to put the rest of your sandwich away?"
Scoop: "No - do I look like a quitter to you? I'm tenacious."

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Me: "Really? We're watching a commercial that groups senior care and child care with pet care?"
Scoop: "It makes sense. You're still cleaning up shit, regardless."

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Scoop: "I have a sneaking suspicion our kid is going to be the naked kid. Like, 'Hey - where the hell are your underwear?'"

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Me: (While driving home for Brandon and Becky's wedding...) "Ugh. I've been trying to very gradually pass this cop car and I just can't get it done - he keeps speeding up. I guess I'll just tuck back in behind him."
Scoop: "Sorry, dude."
Me: (A few minutes later) "Hmm. I guess that guy is going to try passing that cop now."
Scoop: "Yep."
Me: (A few more minutes later) "Look at that. That guy that was trying to pass that cop just dropped back, too, because the cop sped up again. I think he enjoys it."
Scoop: "Huh?"
Me: "The cop. He waits for someone to get right up next to him and try to pass him, then he speeds up to see if you have the balls to pass him. I think he enjoys that. I know I would - if I were a cop."
Scoop: "You would. You're a sadistic bastard."

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