Letting Go (Again) and Hanging On.

Truth be told, I probably started "waiting" for that very important question a few months after Scoop and I started dating. I was head over heels and it certainly didn't take me five years to figure that out.

But, because we were (well, probably "are" - but only under certain circumstances) both sensible people, we spent lots of quality time together to make sure it was right.

I spent time with Scoop at basketball games and family events, and he even came out to my house to help with chores - or even help out at my many horse shows.

In fact, not too long after we started dating, Scoop met up with me at the 4-H fairgrounds. I was showing in my very last 4-H horse show, so Scoop came out to watch me.

It just so happens that I was running late for my showmanship class. And, even with my two aunts back at the trailer to help get me ready, I was till running behind. So, I threw my horse's lead at Scoop and said, "Here - hang on to him."

"But, I don't know anything about horses."

"Don't worry about it. I've just got to black his feet before this class. All you have to do is hold the lead. He's not going to go anywhere - he wouldn't even hurt a fly."

Famous last words.

The next thing I know, my horse has two feet off the ground and Scoop is still desperately trying to hang on to the lead. Upon his return to the ground, my horse connected - connected one of his feet with Scoop's forehead, that is.

I couldn't believe it. This was totally uncharacteristic for this horse - and it certainly couldn't be good for my relationship with Scoop. After looking at the hoofprint just above his eye, he assured me that he would be just fine...after he went to the concession stand and got some ice.

That was it. I knew he would be done with this crazy farm girl. And, if he wasn't, his mother certainly would be. She hadn't nursed her little boy back to health when he was a baby just to see some crazy farm girl use her livestock to beat up on him. It was over, I was sure of it.

After the show was over, I headed back to Scoop's house and apologized - for at least three hours - for my horse's ridiculous behavior and for almost killing this guy that I was totally crazy about. And, if Scoop's mom was angry, she hid it well.

Still, I felt terrible about it for weeks. And, even though Scoop liked to give me a good ribbing about it, he forgave me and went on with his sweet, thoughtful ideas and actions to make me even more attached to him.

And, boy was he good at it. By the time we were juniors in college, Scoop and I were attending school three hours away from each other. But, that didn't stop him from driving over to my sorority in the middle of the week to surprise me after I had just gotten back from two weeks in Europe.

He had a knack for giving excellent gifts and surprised me with CDs of songs that made him think of me. Everything was going well, but one thing always nagged at me.

Car Guy.

Things ended badly. And, while I didn't feel like it was even close to a quarter my fault, I still felt bad.

Then, one day I got a surprising email. It was from Car Guy. He sent it to Scoop, too, and just wanted to say that  he was sorry for everything that had happened. He knew he acted badly and wanted to make amends. In fact, he had started dating a girl that he really liked - and he was really happy.

I sent him an email back to let him know that I was sorry, too, and that I was happy he had found a girl that suited him better than I ever could have.

And, with that, it was finally over. And, I could finally let go, for good, and start hanging on to the one thing that I knew I wanted:

That very important question.